Private Banking for All

I have just been contacted by a young employee of a certain high street bank.

'Do you earn over £100,000 pounds?' was how this fresh-voiced child began.

'None of your business,' I said.

'Right, uh, yes, well, do you have £50,000 to invest?'

I like to be consistent in my responses, with a slight variation of tone to indicate a growing irritation.

'Oh, OK,' he said breathlessly. 'It's just that if you do, you may qualify for our Private Banking service. We provide an exclusive service to High Network (sic) Individuals such as your-' He broke off from his script, remembering I hadn't confirmed my membership of such a giddily wealthy community. 'Um, well, it's an exclusive service,' he tailed off.

'£50,000? That's your threshold?'

'Yes,' he said eagerly. 'Or something close to that, anyway.'

Now I'm well aware that not everyone has £50,000 savings. But millions do, in this country alone. Exclusive? What the hell do these high street banks think they're playing at?